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Page history last edited by Machiavelli 13 years, 6 months ago


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I'm graduating (after I complete our Wiki project of course) but AHHHHHHHHHH nonetheless.  What to do, what to wear, how to act?  Shits confusing I am finally stepping out into the Society of Control as a part of it and not just as a observer.  Salary, deadlines, subordinates, war-holy shit life is coming at me fast.   4 years of this gone in the blink of an eye, jesus christ its mind blowing.  As I sit here and look at all my roommates life's packed away in boxes piled along the wall.  I can't help but think that this is it, this is the last time I get to be a dumb college kid or use that as an excuse.  One word hits me more than it ever has before......RESPONSIBILITY.  (back to the Wiki project)


April 26th-Sometimes...

We are all going to experience a break down in our life! No matter when it occurs, or how severe it is it affects you one will occur.  The only reason human kind has survived these tragic points in our life's is because of the kindness of strangers, friends, family, or other.  Getting through it alone is just not an option and shouldn't be one.  More to come gotta go to class!!   


I don't think you should feel bad about filling your wiki with stuff going on in your life. We understand you are grieving and hey, I don't blame you, so write about it. Let it out! I realize that talking and writing about it can sometimes make someone upset but in the end you start to feel better. For example, 2 years ago my grandfather died. He was reasonably young and he practically raised me ( he has had a very big impression on my life.) Anyway, I wrote a long story about my experience of having to deal with his death and send it to be published in a "Chicken Soup for the Soul" book. What I'm trying to say is, don't hold back from anything you want to let out!

PS- Sorry for your loss



April 09-15minutes till class


Easter alone wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, I think that not being surrounded by people always talking about her, saying how much they miss her, or telling stories about their past together; kind of helped me get through the holiday a little bit better. I started to reread a couple pages in Ubik, mainly the parts about half life, and I got to thinking how exactly I would react or act if I had that kind of opportunity right now. If half lifers were a thing of the present and not of the future (possibly), if we really could communicate with the dead. What would they say to us? What would you say to them? Would it just be a back and forth conversation about all the things you should have done better, when they were alive? Or all the things they wish they did or said. For me I think it would start out like that, just because it seems natural to get those kind of things out of the way to pave route for the more important stuff...like a normal, everyday conversation! Thats all I would want from the experience just to be able to talk. I just figured I'd leave you with that I only had 15 min till I had to go to class, so ponder this...What would you do/say if someone you knew could be brought into half life? Who would it be if you could only pick one person?


P.S. I want to try and talk about my experience as much as possible, but again I DO NOT want to fill my wiki up with passages about death/my mom/how shitty I feel about it all ect...So expect some changes!! Although there will be an occastional depressing passage.

April 06 (1am)-loneliness

So sleep...yeah there's something you always think you never get enough of...but what happens when you never get any at all? Needless to say I haven't been sleeping very good since my mom died, I wake up in hot sweats, and my body aches of pain that I've never felt before. I think we talked about in class Mobius about when you said your mother's death broke you. I believe I am starting to finally feel the full effects of loosing the one person in your life that you care so much about, the one that gave you life and brough you into this world. I am broke, broken, shattered, crippled, enraged, lost, lonely, afraid, and all of the inbetween. What am I going to do in the years to come, what are my two little sisters going to do? How are they doing? How's my Dad doing? I ask myself these questions everyday, every fucking waking minute of my day. I ask myself...what are they going to do when I leave for Iraq in October? They've already lost one loved one. What if I make two? People shouldn't have to endure this kind of pain, its both emotional and physical. It happens everyday, yet I cannot cope with the fact that death is so dead. Funny how I said that... On a lighter note Happy Easter/Passover to everyone!!! Enjoy the weekend, I will be here at PSU if anyone wants to hang out drop a line on the Wiki.



I'm sort of at a loss here, but I wanted to say something...anything...First of all, my deepest sympathies. I've got some sense of what you're going through, and I know how it can affect you. I can't say the insomnia and the nausea and the deep feeling of a rather cavernous loss go away quickly, but I promise that it's possible to, over time, transform them into something good. I think the only way to get through it is to draw yourself closer to the ones you love. Focus on your Dad, your sisters, your friends. Be there for them and let them be there for you, because you can't get through it alone. The other thing is what you're doing here...write about it. If not on the wiki, someplace private. Just as long as you get it out, y'know? As for death being 'dead'...I'm not a particularly religious person. In fact, I'd call myself a die-hard agnostic, but it doesn't hurt to believe that there's something after death. Wherever your mom is, she's not in pain anymore. As for you going to Iraq...I could go off on a long tirade about why you shouldn't have to, but you've obviously decided that it's a duty to your country, and I hope you know that it's greatly appreciated. All you can do is protect yourself the best you can and make the most out of the time before you have to go. If you feel like talking, I'm a good listener...I'm on AIM ( lvk104 ) or get in touch with me on the wiki. Again, I'm so sorry...and if there's anything I can do let me know. - Ceridwen


April 1st!-Blast from the past

Seeing how my blog is a little light on content I guess I should do some explaining to the class because I feel it necessary from my point of view to voice the events which have shaped my last month in school. Where to begin....So back in early March I get a call from my sister, who is crying on the phone, telling me that my mom has CANCER! What wonderful news to hear while your 300 miles away. So naturally I immediately rush home to the aid of my family totally forgetting about the thousands and thousands of dollars that I have invested in my education here at PSU!! DUHHHH...So I get home and yes the news is true my mom is shacked up in the hospital on her bed, not death bed yet, but nevertheless a hospital bed! So we do everything we can for her to make her life as happy as it possibly can in a hospital. I'd like to take a second to point out that being the oldest both son and child on my mothers side a majority of weight had been put on my shoulders. But I'm not going to draw on and on about little details such as my emotional distress at the time! ha...So 2 weeks have gone by and she is getting worse by the day, so I decide I can't take it anymore and I need to get out of this hospital after being there day in and day out by her side. I decided that an intelligent motorcycle ride would be in order. A nice safe, long, fun ride down some of the back roads of Yardley would loosen me up. Well thats exactly what it did loosen me up, it loosened up my bones, my skin, my entire body...because some asshole decided to push me off the road!!!!!!! O yea and funny detail to this whole incident my bike BLEW UP! Picture of the explosion below! Fun stuff...not.



I guess I'll continue down here...But anyway as I said before I don't want to make this a sob story about how fucked up everything was but pretty much I want to apologize for my absence from class and I hope most of you read this to get some kind of understand of my actions. So at last I say I am sorry for not being there to help engage in the classroom discussion and I apologize that it took this long to get this out and fill you guys in on the situation especially Mobius. I bid you all adooo and you will see my gimp ass crutching along to class on Tuesday! See you all then


Awww. I can't believe that you've endured this much in the past month! If you need anything like class notes, etc. from ENGL 263 and ENGL 473, feel free to reach me at jas5034@psu.edu. Because this is a public space, I do not want to add my phone number here, but if you would prefer to contact me via phone, tell me in class or via email. Hope things improve! ~Young Jessie.


06FEB2007-In response to the FBI files


So I guess I've been lacking the excitement to write on this wiki, I am still boggled by this massive information center that is known as the wiki. My mind is blown by each FBI article that I read, and browse. How each fact, or assumption made about a person always leads back to an act committed on the internet. Whether it be an AOL conversation or browsing a particular website. "How to make a bomb"-"How to shoot up your school and get away with it"...the list goes on and on of intensive google searched of mass information! Where does this madness stop. As I was reviewing the Columbine High school shooting it became obvious to me that since the shooters were both dead the FBI's only form of investigation was (what a surprise) the INTERNET! Going through conversations in a chat room and researching the websites they visited. Then I read Gonzo's blog, and if the FBI knows everything then they know that I was reading that file and did a few google searches of "How to make a bomb" because frankly I didn't think it existed, but needless to say I was proven wrong. So whats to stop the FBI from thinking a Military man, going through college at one of the biggest university's in PA isn't trying to make a bomb to set off in his English 473 class? Who knows...


I've noticed that AIM keeps a log of who you talk to and how many messages you send (at least, the newer versions). If that's possible, what's to say they can't (or don't already) keep the conversations themselves logged? As for being inspired to write in a wiki...try just plain writing. About anything. If you're in the military...write about why you joined, what its like, how you feel about the Iraq war, about the Bush administration and about the protesters. Write about going to the biggest university in PA, or about taking an English class where most of the texts are online...once you start things'll flow a bit more easily on here for you (I hope). ~ Ceridwen


22JAN07-Regards to Digital Proposal



I am a fairly open minding human being, with that said a wireless campus would be an amazing leap from what we have now. Condensed classroms/labs, thousands of students rushing for a computer during finals week. For a University of the size and reputation that Penn State beholds you would think that they would have came up with a better solution to this dilemma than they have in effect right now. On the downside the introduction of the wiki system would cause a mode of panic across the English Dept, in a sense that not many people have had interation with this kind of setup. I myself have problems finding the page where I am now posting this blog! I can't even imagine the intensity that it would bring to the students of English classes. It would be both educational for them and nerve racking! Times are changing as well as Technology, I would hope in the near future that this wiki system will pose such a revolution as facebook.com!


First Blog,


So it took me a some time to figure out how everyone had a hyperlink as their name, but I think I achieved excellence! The name comes from the Philosopher not Tupac as some may think. This is my first Wiki experience and I must say I am pretty impressed with the diversity it has, but I am jumbled by the amount of information that it holds! Only time will tell how it all turns out...



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